I'm the type of person that when I get an idea in my head, I can't sit on it. I have to carry it through right away. Even if it's returning something to the store, which I know can be done at anytime, I still feel urgency and get in the car as soon as possible. We were planning on working with Leah in a few weeks but a friend emailed the 'Lora Jensen 3 Day Method' for potty training and I was totally convinced to do it right away. So I went out the next day and got all the stuff and started.
The whole premise of the method is that if your child is over 22 months old, they are trainable and will be fully trained in three days if you follow the method EXACTLY. You throw all your diapers away and never turn back. Not even for naps or bedtime. Another important premise of the method is no sitting on the potty for long periods of time to 'try' and not asking them if they need to go. Therefore handing over control to them. The author said that kids want to be in control of these situations. I mean, this method has been featured on Good Morning America and has rave reviews. I was totally on board. You basically keep your child right by your side for three days and rush them to the bathroom every time they are in the middle of an accident. I knew this method was right up my alley since I'm pretty obsessive compulsive and don't do anything casually. I was geared up and ready to follow Leah around(much to her annoyance). What I didn't realize, however, is that each time I was rushing Leah to the bathroom it was like a panic/startling experience for her which is definitely not up her alley. I tried to remain calm and positive even though it was a messy ordeal but even with some reassurance, it was still startling. She likes plans, schedules, preparation, advance warning etc...
The first day she tolerated these panic attacks and the second day she was totally resistant. She did not want to leave her toys (for good reason...being a multiple means hold on to your stuff or lose it) or what she was playing with just to go pee. The second morning she held her pee for almost four hours!! I kept talking to her and following my guidelines...letting her run the show and taking control. But let's be honest, when have my kids EVER had control in their short little lives. All the sudden Leah gets a little power and let me tell you, she ran with it. Not only was she resisting the training, she was refusing to take naps or go to sleep, she was being defiant and disobedient, and was SOOOOOO emotional, especially before bedtime. Clark said he didn't realize how emotional potty training was going to be! Neither did I. The book said you should not discipline or scold your child during potty training. It should be a happy experience. However, I think that's why she starting acting out! She had control and no consequences.
We were kind of excited to train one kid at a time because that hasn't really been a luxury for us. Do something with the first kid, learn from it, and change/adapt for the next. We have one chance to do everything because all the kids are in the same stage at the same time. So with potty training, we always thought we'd do them all together but like the idea of having a second chance if something didn't work. Boy it did not work. I think a lot of it was I had NO idea what to expect. I was not prepared emotionally or physically for how challenging this process is. Of course I romanticized it a little and said our kids will be potty trained in three days, no problem! By day five at 3pm, Leah had one success out of eight. I think percentages should be a bit higher at that point especially after using the Lora Jensen method. So I gave her a bath, put the potty away, and put her back in diapers. I have never been so relieved to see a diaper on her again! Yeah maybe five days was too early to quit but again, I could not have imagined doing another day of all the drama and clean up. Leah never even asked about her underwear, stickers, treats (she was bribed with freeze-dried strawberries since she refuses to eat any candy), or the potty. It was like it never happened. So weird.
Another big thing we learned about Leah is that although she loves to be a leader, show everyone how to do things, and be involved in everything, she does not like to be a pioneer. She doesn't like to be the first to try something or do it alone. She is a social creature as most girls are but I saw how it affected her potty training. It would have been so much more exciting for her if one of her brothers was doing it with her, running to the bathroom, celebrating, etc... That's how her whole life has been. Doing everything with her brothers. I think she felt isolated and pressured which may have been the reason for all the emotions.
Anyway, I'm probably reading way far into all this but for a two-year-old, this is a huge change. So I had to swallow my pride and say it wasn't working. I don't know if it was the method, personality, or social aspect for her, but I do know I'll be much more mentally prepared to follow through and stick it out next time. And I will definitely NOT be doing away with discipline during the process. That was a mistake. Just have to find out what works for her.
What a little bugger.
Does anyone out there have a child like Leah and used a potty training method that worked?
For us, our second is very independent. We tried candy, stickers, toys and none of them worked. The only thing that motivated him was pennies. He loved it and was instantly better at going potty and staying dry.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I DID NOT expect with potty training is how much of a process it really is...even after they stay dry and "have it down" there will still be accidents and frustration. Good luck!
I have to say, potty training Carly was the WORST experience in parenthood to date! I am already thinking I'll to the twins when they are in kindergarten and so embarrassed by diapers they come begging to use the potty! :) I tried the 3 day method too, with very similar results. It was just too much for her, and she felt overwhelmed. I was stressed, even though I was "acting calm" (and I was REALLY pregnant with twins!). We didn't go back to diapers, but I had to let go and realize it would be more gradual. It took about a month until we left the house without a pull-up, like 7 mo until she'd go #2 without a breakdown, and she still sleeps in a pull-up, but lately has been waking up dry. Good luck in your adventure! I have a friend who did the 3 day method with all three of her boys no problem. Maybe they will respond better to it?
ReplyDeletewe did the same 3 day method. I followed most of what she suggested, but there was no way I was throwing away all my diapers. I decided that if it didn't work, it didn't work. The first day was terrible. Second day he figured it out. But it is tons of work. My whole body ached after the whole ordeal. Bill even had lunch delivered one day because the first day was such a nightmare. Asher isn't potty trained at night, we use pull ups, and i'm fine with it. We eat late bc bill gets home late, it would be impossible for me to cut off liquids etc early. I think you just have to pull out of her method what will work for you and your kid(s). I think though she has a great method, you have to take it with a grain of salt and adjust. It will get better, seeing friends pee in the potty is always helpful too. Oh yeah, and even after he picked up peeing in the toilet, it took a week before he would regularly poop in the toilet...he would always hide in his room and poop in his underwear. gross. Good luck! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteWish I had some words of wisdom for you instead of just sympathy...potty training is the. worst. in my book.
ReplyDeletethat was totally ani the first round and we bailed ship and waited. It seems the closer they are to 3 or past 3 the easier it is. I think young twos that are potty-trained are rare toilet prodigies that pick it up and run with it. Ani would hold her pee for so long until she couldn't anymore. She ended up getting a UTI around the 4 or 5th day and I threw in the towel with the doctors encouragement to do so. Potty training is a nightmare! Ani did pick it back up (she decided one day right before she turned 3 she wanted to wear panties) and was pee trained in days (I think remembering all the intense "potty train in a day" method stuff we did), but was terrified to go #2 in the toilet for 6 months. (which is a common issue I have learned). Sam was pee trained the first round in a couple of days, but has the same poo issues. Unlike Ani, who would ask for a diaper to go in, he will just poo in his pants, or hold it for 3 days if we start putting pressure on. So he wears pull-ups something I always thought was silly. I got tired of cleaning 3-5 pairs of dirty underwear a day or being stressed that he wasn't going. He doesn't pee in his pull-ups so we're all good there, and when he does "have an accident" (which is really intentional), it's not a complete ruin of my day. I learned from Ani that potty training is intensely psychological, like you said, first time they have control over something, but you learn all kinds of things through the process; fears, desire to perform, ability to learn and do hard things, etc. We learned Ani wasn't nearly as laid back as we thought..It's kinda a nightmare. I just hope Ezra is as easy as Adley was, two rough ones in a row stink. For your sake I hope it goes easy the next round. I would wait until the end of summer at least to try again. Good luck and good effort! Leah is adorable!
ReplyDeleteThis is not going to be helpful at all to you-but I feel your pain. My kids never do as books or people say. Emma was just like that with not wanting to do it. I can't remember what I did, but one thing for sure is I was in control. That is weird that they say the kid should be. I guess once they can do it on their own they can be in control right?? Also with all mine I've had to do the sit for a while with them in the toilet, just to get that one success so they can see how much of a reward it is! So first day I take them every ten minutes until we succeed. All mine have taken at least one whole day of no success, then day three or four they catch on, then the accidents start to lessen. Oh and FYI at least with Emma, not so much with Tye, public automatic flushing toilets are a whole new level. One use stopped Emma for about a week. Emma took about a week fully catch on and go to panties all the time, she hated being dirty so that was nice. However, as for my boy, he was very hard because he could have cared less if he peed his pants. Or pooped. He would hang out as long as he could without letting me know. Yeah and you have two, I guess I'm saying I don't envy you at all, but know that it is hard, I don't know why anyone thinks it should be an easy and happy process, because it is extremely frustrating. But know that at least by the time they are ten you won't have to take them!!!!
ReplyDeleteOhhhh boyyyy am I excited for this!! haha Let's just say I won't try it until little boy is quite a bit older... I don't think I'll be emotionally ready until then! Wish it would've worked for you, but I'm sure it will when she's ready! Then you can share all your words of wisdom with me like you usually have to bc I have a bazillion questions. =)
ReplyDeleteMy advice- wait as close to age 3 as you can!! Wait til you can tell THEY want to use the potty! I think it's part kid and personality , but mostly maturity. GOOD LUCK!! I can't imagine having to do 3 kids all in the same year!!! I was super lucky with two easy experiences, but even with how easy it was, I STILL get nervous for my next experience!! love you!! Can't wait to hang out this summer! Leah's gonna have a blast with all her girl cousins!!! xoxox
ReplyDeleteI let both my boys pick out special underwear. We talked it up big time about getting to wear special underwear weeks in advance. When we started, they put their undies on in the morning with no pants, and it was a huge deal. I tried asking every 15 to 20 min if they needed to go, and would occasionally put them on the toilet. The big thing was when they had accidents, I acted devastated, not by getting mad, but just acting really upset saying things like "oh no!" you got buzz lightyear wet, we can't wear him anymore...totally dramatic...putting the focus on the underwear. Then I would take them to the bathroom and say "you need to go in the potty so we don't get your underwear dirty." If they pooped in their underwear, I would take them to the toilet and show them where it goes by dropping it in, and then explaining, next time you sit on the toilet and then you can flush it, which was really exciting for them. When they did go, I was beyond crazy and would jump, shout, and clap and tell them they got to call grandma and grandpa and daddy and tell them the good news. They loved the attention and all the excitement. I would be ecstatic every time and make the biggest deal about it. Eventually they just got it. I think it took two or three days with both of them. Of course they have accidents now and then and can digress a little, but eventually there will be no accidents.
ReplyDeleteIt was also nice because I didn't follow them around everywhere. Some people make their kids go naked, but at least the underwear soaked up the pee or held the poop instead of it going all on the floor. Another huge thing is they have to show you that they're ready. You can't in no way, shape or form force it because it WILL NOT HAPPEN! You'll know when they're ready because they show interest. My first little boy was 3 1/2 when he started showing interest. My second boy showed interest after turning 2, so it's different for every child. Don't rush it. It will happen.